Yes, I am Suo Lun. I am that bastard!
After receiving this answer, Yan Nai’er’s tears could not be stopped at all. They surged out continuously.
She did not cry out loud, but her entire delicate body began to twitch. Her eyes, blurred by tears, kept staring fixedly at Suo Lun.
This silent, heart-wrenching cry made Suo Lun’s heart ache almost to the point of twisting.
He was not the real Suo Lun and had never shared that emotional history with Yan Nai’er. But at this moment, he completely immersed himself in the role of Suo Lun, as if he himself were that scumbag man who had loved and then abandoned her, the man who had hurt her until she was completely devastated.
He slightly stretched out his hand, wanting to wipe away the tears on her face, but halfway through he could no longer extend it any further.
Yan Nai’er was so sad and heartbroken that she could barely speak. After a full several minutes, she looked at Suo Lun with a hoarse voice and said: Why?
Her why was completely in Yan Nai’er’s soft and charming tone. Yan Shuang’s cold frost had disappeared without a trace.
Her why had no beginning or end, but Suo Lun instantly understood what she wanted to ask.
Why did you abandon her? Was it because she was not beautiful enough, or because she had not done well enough?
Suo Lun closed his eyes, fully immersed his own emotions into the profligate Suo Lun, and said with a trembling voice: You… were like an angel who had unintentionally descended to the mortal world, so beautiful, so pure. I was attracted by your beauty, so I pursued you without knowing the height of the heavens and the depth of the earth. It was not out of love, but because of my fickle heart and the desire to conquer beauty.
Yan Nai’er said: So what? Even if you did not love me at the beginning, you could truly love me later.
Suo Lun said: The more I got to know you, the more your inner beauty became like a whirlpool, constantly pulling me deeper, making me afraid and making me feel inferior and ashamed of my own vulgarity. I am such a despicable and filthy person. How could I be worthy of a beautiful soul like yours? I also thought about it countless times, to restrain my fickle heart and live with you for a lifetime. But… a playful child cannot restrain his own heart. Moreover, I could not truly marry you, because at that time I had an engagement with Gui Qin Shao. Every time I saw your innocent and infatuated gaze, I would think of how I had pursued you with the intention of playing with your feelings from the start. I had even planned long ago to sleep with you twenty times and then break up. But looking at your charm and your beauty, I increasingly felt a sense of guilt. I could not give you a future, so I thought it was better to have short pain than long pain. A scumbag like me… is simply not worthy of possessing an angel like you. I should let a man like Liu Chen guard you for a lifetime and cherish you like a treasure.
At this point, Yan Nai’er’s tears surged out once again. Then she could not hold back from crying out loud, so she covered her mouth with her hand and desperately suppressed her sobs, causing her entire delicate body to tremble violently.
Moreover, I was afraid that I… would truly fall completely in love with you. In that case, it would be a complete tragedy for me and for my family. Suo Lun gasped heavily and said: Therefore, not only did I decisively break up, but to cut off my own retreat, I immediately went to pursue Princess Zhi Ning. Then, like a playful child, I was attracted by another beautiful woman and投入 even more madly. The reason I pursued Zhi Ning so crazily was because I knew there was no future between me and her, and there was no need for a future.
Every word Suo Lun said was the truth. Not his own truth, but the truth of that profligate scumbag Suo Lun.
That scumbag Suo Lun later had every opportunity to turn the raw rice into cooked rice with Yan Nai’er. Because Yan Nai’er, in order to salvage the relationship, had already set aside her own reserve and conservatism and taken the initiative to please Suo Lun.
But Suo Lun not only did not touch her but instead quickly avoided her.
At that time, he was already guarding and cherishing this pearl that was Yan Nai’er and could not bear to tarnish or harm her.
Moreover, short pain was better than long pain, so he decisively broke up.
This breakup itself was also a form of protection, because there was no future for Yan Nai’er with a scumbag like him, so he had to set her free.
But he was still not mature enough and turned this protective letting go into even greater harm.
That scumbag Suo Lun must have thought exactly like this. It was as if the great demon king in a movie who committed all kinds of evil, upon seeing a cute and pure baby infant, would also feel pity, not only unwilling to harm but even desperately protecting it.
And Yan Nai’er, who had just escaped from her father’s side not long ago, was pure like an unblemished pearl. That was why she attracted a talented and unrestrained man like Liu Chen. But because Liu Chen loved her too much in his heart, he was extremely cautious for fear of startling her even a little. However, such excessive caution instead failed to move her.
Suo Lun the scumbag was different. He charged straight ahead like a wild boar, regardless of whether it was an ordinary cabbage or a priceless jade cabbage. He would root first and talk later.
The tragedy was that this jade cabbage was too pure and was really rooted away so roughly.
Of course, originally Suo Lun this wild boar had the opportunity to swallow this jade cabbage into his stomach in one bite, but in the end he still discovered her priceless value, could not bear to harm her, and carefully placed this cabbage back into the vegetable garden.
……
Like all girls who have been abandoned, she wanted an answer, the answer to why she was abandoned.
Now Yan Nai’er had received this answer. For some reason, her heart felt even more painful.
She sobbed and said: I… I have thought countless times about the scene when we meet again, but not once was it like this…
Me too. Suo Lun said woodenly.
Yesterday morning when you rushed in holding the bloody severed head, the sunlight covered your face. I looked at your figure and suddenly felt you looked very much like Suo Lun. But when the sunlight moved away and I saw your face again, I confirmed you were not Suo Lun, because it was completely different. A face can be changed, but the eyes cannot be changed, and your eyes were completely different. Yan Nai’er said: In the past your eyes were very bad, always full of teasing, the kind of gaze that said I can undress you with my eyes but I just will not do it.
At this moment, Suo Lun had completely felt Yan Nai’er’s cuteness. Even when she said something like undress, she spoke with complete seriousness.
Suo Ning Bing had said that Yan Nai’er was pure inside, serious on the surface, and never spoke in a roundabout way. She said whatever she thought, and if she really could not win with words she would start using her fists.
So every time she argued with Suo Lun, it would start with Yan Nai’er being spoken to until her face turned red and she stammered, and end with her powder fists violently beating Suo Lun.
You… you have really changed a lot. I cannot even recognise you anymore. Yan Nai’er said with complicated eyes.
You too. Suo Lun said: You have changed even more, to the point that when I first saw you, I did not dare to recognise you at all. I thought you had an older sister called Yan Shuang.
Seeing Suo Lun’s wooden demeanour, which was completely different from his previous glib tongue, Yan Nai’er immediately felt an indescribable sadness in her heart.
After thinking for a while, she asked: I was too far from you, and I deliberately avoided news about you. During this time, have you been well?
Suo Lun shook his head and said: Not very well. My father is gone, Suo Han Yi rebelled, and the Tian Shui City territory has been occupied.
Yan Nai’er’s beautiful eyes trembled and she said: I am not well either. My father is also gone, and my Silver Wolf Legion… is also about to be swallowed up.
Then the two of them fell into silence again.
Is Sister Ning Bing well? Yan Nai’er asked.
Suo Lun’s eyes softened and he said: Sister is still well. Her requirements are quite simple. As long as I am safe, she is fine.
Oh. Yan Nai’er fell silent again.
The two of them were like chatting on QQ, suddenly unable to find anything to say.
In the end, it was still Yan Nai’er who broke the silence.
Tu Lingduo said that you came to find me for my army. Is she right? When Yan Nai’er asked this, her eyes kept staring at Suo Lun.
She had wanted to ask this question all along.
At this moment, if Suo Lun said no, that would be deception. If he said yes, that would be harm.
You abandoned me before, and now you have returned to my side in order to seize my army, even concealing your identity with ulterior motives. How shameless is that?
Suo Lun lowered his head and nodded: Yes.
Yan Nai’er widened her eyes and continued to ask: You did not come to see me but wanted to conquer me, mend the broken mirror and reunite, and then take away my Silver Wolf Legion, right?
The Yan Nai’er of that time always spoke so directly, never knowing how to beat around the bush.
Suo Lun almost wanted to lower his head all the way to his crotch and nodded: Yes.
A look of extreme sadness flashed through Yan Nai’er’s beautiful eyes. Even her eyelashes trembled slightly as she held back the tears that wanted to flow out.
I… I do not blame you… Yan Nai’er said with a trembling voice: You are doing this for your family. It is only right to use anyone. Just like I am not pure and flawless either. In order to protect the Silver Wolf Legion, I have always been selecting a man to marry. By doing this, I have already betrayed our love.
Instantly, Suo Lun felt so sad that he wanted to cry.
He now truly felt the pain of the scumbag Suo Lun, that mood full of guilt.
Please, Suo Lun had already abandoned you and even publicly shifted his affection to someone else. Yet at this moment you were still saying that what you did was betraying your love.
Yan Nai’er continued to ask: If no one had exposed your identity and you continued to stay by my side as Lan Ling, what would you have done?
Suo Lun suddenly became speechless, because although doing it would not matter much, saying it out loud would indeed be very sordid.
Yan Nai’er said seriously: After becoming my candidate husband, you would use your talent to help me win this struggle. Then you would create opportunities to take away my chastity, become real husband and wife, and then gradually reveal your identity and turn my Silver Wolf Legion into your army, right?
Yan Nai’er was very smart. She knew everything, but she was unwilling to hide it.
Facing her eyes, Suo Lun now finally understood that the hardest thing to face was not a gaze full of coercion, but a gaze full of pure innocence. Such a gaze would pierce straight into your heart, leaving you with nowhere to hide.
Yes. Suo Lun really lowered his head all the way into his crotch.
Your plan like this is wrong. Yan Nai’er said: If everything really happened as you planned, then at the moment you revealed your true face, I would either collapse or commit suicide.
Suo Lun’s body suddenly trembled violently.
Yan Nai’er said: After you slept with me and then revealed your true face, would you have me treat you as Lan Ling or as Suo Lun? No matter which one, it would be no different from me committing adultery with another man and being caught by my lover. Even though you are the same person, in my heart I would not know that.
Suo Lun trembled violently. From Yan Nai’er’s perspective, it was indeed like that.
If everything had really happened according to the plan, then… the moment the true face was revealed would truly be the time when Yan Nai’er would perish.
Instantly, Suo Lun felt a chill all over his body. Waves of lingering fear surged in his heart, and he began to feel extremely fortunate that none of this had happened yet.
Suo Lun, both of us have changed, but you have changed even more. Yan Nai’er said: In the past, you liked to deceive people the most. There was not a single true word in your mouth. But now, you no longer deceive people.
He no longer deceived people, but his scheming had become deeper and even more shameless!
Yan Nai’er said: What I loved was that bad guy Suo Lun who liked to deceive people, not the current Suo Lun.
Suo Lun instantly understood her words. She loved the Suo Lun in her memories, not the current mature version. She would no longer fall in love with a glib and frivolous playboy.
She had already matured now and would absolutely not fall in love again with a sweet-talking fickle boy. However, the imprint of the love she once had was already engraved in her heart. Even if she became mature, this imprint would not change.
Some people are always eager to bid farewell to the past and feel ashamed of it, such as past failures, past naivety, and past failed love.
While some people forever cherish their own past, no matter how mature they become and no matter how unbearable the past is to look back on.
Yan Nai’er asked once again: Suo Lun, you want me to stop fighting with Ji Gang and bring the Silver Wolf Legion to Tian Shui City to pledge loyalty to you, right?
Suo Lun hesitated for a moment, then nodded. This was indeed what he thought in his heart.
I am sorry, I cannot do it. Yan Nai’er said: If the Silver Wolf Legion were not in crisis, I would be willing to help you. But now, I would rather die fighting here than escape.
Suo Lun nodded and said: I know, so… I will also stay. I will help you.
No. Yan Nai’er shook her head and said: The man by my side can be anyone, but it absolutely cannot be Suo Lun.
Suo Lun immediately said hoarsely: Why?
Yan Nai’er said: I have said before that I do not hate you, but I will never forgive you either. A broken mirror cannot be mended.
Suo Lun said loudly: I do not want anything. I do not want anything. I will just stay and help you.
No, I am unwilling to owe anyone. Yan Nai’er said: Although there is a saying that meeting is not as good as missing, I still thank today’s meeting. It has given us both a chance to thoroughly bid farewell to the past and allowed me to completely transform from Yan Nai’er into Yan Shuang.
Suo Lun felt anxious as if a thousand words were surging in his heart, yet he could not utter a single sentence.
Taking a deep breath, Yan Nai’er walked towards the outside while saying: Suo Lun, I will forever cherish my love for you in my heart, but spilled water cannot be gathered again. We cannot return to the past anymore. From today onwards, we will completely sever our relationship. You go and do your things. I will go and do my things. We will bless each other in our hearts, but also stay far away from each other.